Perfect Guacamole

“Your painting is so beautiful! Look at those avocados…they’re stunning.”

I’m standing in line at a coffee shop by the LSU campus and one of those artsy girls–you know the kind: cool hair, cool clothes, coffee in one hand, unlit cigarette in another–is handing over a poster she has recently painted for the coffee shop.  I can’t get a very good look at what the poster is advertising without being rude, so I just stare at the avocados.

These avocados were gorgeous: dark green shells with a cool mint green center.  Shaped like a pear that has had too much to drink, it’s an attractive fruit, but even more gorgeous on the inside.  Then it occurs to me.  This painting is attractive, yes, but avocados are just as beautiful in real life.

Beautiful and clearly delicious.  Avocados grown from a specific California variety are notorious for having a more nut-like flavor, whereas avocados grown in Mexico are notoriously “blander” as they frequently take the “sting” out of spicy dishes.

Whatever the case, Haas avocados are my favorite not only because they’re as beautiful as the painting listed above, but also because they taste incredible when mixed with jalapeno, tomato, onion, and cilantro.  The result? A perfect guacamole.

Next time  you’re at the market, make sure to take a moment to look at the avocados and you’ll see what I’m talking about.  They really are an attractive fruit.  But don’t stare too long, because you’ll inevitably be tempted to take them home and eat them.

Perfect Guacamole

My version of Guacamole is a little spicier & more complicated than others you might find online or elsewhere.  Not complicated in the recipe’s “directions” per se, but complicated in that I think the flavor of guacamole demands more attention to detail and ingredients.  This way, the final effect and flavor are phenomenal, awe-inspiring, like fireworks (clearly, I like my guacamole to have some “heat!”).  For a similar recipe see Elise Bauer’s own “Perfect Guacamole[1]” at Simply Recipes.

Ingredients:

* 4 avocados, ripe

* 2 tablespoons minced onion

* 2-3 tablespoons fresh lemon or lime juice

* 1/4 cup tomatoes, chopped

* 3 tablespoons fresh cilantro, chopped

* 2 tablespoons jarred jalapenos, chopped fine

* 1 tablespoon jalapeño juice (can add more to taste)

* Salt and pepper to taste

1.) Prepare your ingredients: chop cilantro, tomatoes, and jalapeno.  Mince onion and cut avocados in half.

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2.) Remove avocado pits (discard) and scoop avocado into a mortar and pestle.  I use an over-sized one that looks like this[3].

3.) Add cilantro, tomatoes, jalapeno to the avocados and proceed to mash until smooth.  Season with salt, pepper, cilantro, lemon/lime juice, and jalapeno juice to taste.  I know my guacamole is done when it has a sense of “heat” aftertaste, but still strikes me as somewhat salty and earthy on the first taste.

Serve with Tortilla chips.  Makes 6 servings.

SOAPBOX: I rarely, rarely, rarely ever believe there is a wrong way to do something, but I must caution my readers based on my taste preferences for guacamole.  Guacamole is one of those dishes that when made perfectly leaves you thinking about it for days.  However, ill-prepared guacamole is easily forgettable and “gross” guacamole may stave off any future guac fan for fear of experiencing this strange concoction again.

What do I mean?

I mean cottage cheese, cream cheese, sour cream.  That’s exactly what I mean.

Some chefs suggest adding the above “cheeses” and “creams” to guacamole if one wants a “creamier” affect in their recipe.  I couldn’t disagree more.  Usually, people add scoops of sour cream, cream cheese, or sour cream to “extend” a limited amount of avocados.  But, this addition always horrifies me and yes, I can taste it instantly.  To me, avocados and their guacamole form are so perfect in their natural stage that any kind of fatty addition makes the final recipe taste “mayonnaisey.”  And who wants to eat green mayonnaise?

Okay, I’m done.  Stepping off my soapbox now…. Just promise me you will never add some disgusting white stuff to your guacamole.  It won’t be “perfect” and will definitely not be clearly delicious.
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–Helana Brigman[5]